The End of a Disastrous Year

Its the 31st of December today!

Its New Year's Eve!

Its the end of the year!

Its gonna be the beginning of a new year!

Which still means, I got not much time left.

To do stuff before army begins.

Not that I can't wait for it to start.

In fact, I'm more on the "I can't wait for it to end" part.

Then, I can begin to see.

Feel.

Know.

How it is like to go for singing classes.

ANYHOO!

The Great 2008 is ending!

Great Lousy Disastrous [Insert extremely discouraging and bad words here].

But I must say, I've learnt a lot of stuff this year.

Especially on how to handle falls.

Handling being penniless.

Failed attempt.

Handling a lousy overall level 6 in-charge during FYP for lousy attitude.

Then there are the really better learning experiences.

Dynagen and Dynamips. Good program to use. Seriously.

Working in the office. Pretty stressful but it gets better over time.

Working offsite. Mediacorp was extremely stressful. Believe me.

Spending your free time in the office on learning another language. Its the thing that keeps me going. Beats Redbull or Coffee any day!

Simply to say, this year is really full of bad stuff and happenings.

And only a few good stuffs.

Which I only experienced because I made it so.

I placed interest in Dynagen. And it became interesting to me.

Office was stressful, but I got used to it. Since I know I'll be spending it for another 11 weeks at the beginning.

Now its getting pretty fun, yet forceful to go to work everyday.

Mainly because the environment there is quiet enough for me to absorb what I learn in korean language.

And I wanted to learn Korean because of 3 reasons.

1. Wondergirls, Wondergirls and more Wondergirls. And I'm not afraid to say it.
2. I know 3 languages. Good English, Acceptable Chinese and Not that good Malay. Time to add a few more into my arsenal.
3. I want to go somewhere further than Thailand. And it must be Asia too. So the destination is definitely Korea.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!!

Well, I've thought of a few. I could come up some halfway later on.

1. Confidence. Build lots of it. Confidence to pursue my dreams.
2. Self Control. Vulgarities. Lesser of it.
3. Endurance. Irritative stuff. Hold on longer before exploding. I'll be the monk.
4. Flight. Staying in air longer. 1 second air time over my parents bed without acceleration now.
5. Master the Korean language. Both speaking and writing.
6. 원더걸스 Concert! I SHALL GO! I MUST GO! I'LL DEFINITELY GO!
7. Be the officer, be the man. In army, that is. Even if I try.
8. PES A or B. Either one. Nothing more, nothing less. If there's more though...
9. Perhaps pick a new art? Jujitsu? Hapkido? Muay Thai?

That's 9. For now.

Well, I'm off for my family trip to Genting later on today.

Didn't really go this whole year because its my final year.

Which goes to explain why there are a lot of pimples on my face this year.

Lack of sleep.

Lack of fruits.

Lack of fun.

Lacking of enjoying "life".

Thinking of my future.

My dream.

I hope it will be a better year, from the start of tomorrow.

And I hope,

My dream stays all the way with me till the end.

Holidays beats every other day of the year. Except a few though...

OH MY 天!



Its week 6 of attachment!



Not to mention, it will be week 7 soon because of the holidays.



I so love holidays.



We so love holidays.



우리 so love holidays.



わたしたち so love holidays.



And I still cannot believe I have to go to a translator website just to get chinese, korean and japanese characters.



And I still hate Vista to this day.



Because its not like XP, where you can click on the language bar and do stuff. If not, you can just install some language program because everything is suitable for XP.



I can't even find the language bar in Vista. Much less say finding a program compatible with Vista.

And that stupid Zhiyang just pulled the plug on my laptop.

GAHH!

There's autosaving. That's good.

Anyway, we saw something at the cafeteria just now that was pretty funny.

You see, Zhiyang saw this woman.

I took a peep.

The woman went to buy her food. Then walked to the cashier.

I noticed the woman had a funny walking style.

Just before I was going to tell Zhiyang, she looked at me.

Then after I told Zhiyang, he turned and the both of them looked at each other.

Then, I turned to look and she noticed the both of us looking.

Zhiyang turned his head back.

I, naturally facing the woman, can't possibly turn my head back.

That would be retarded.

So I changed my focus to the spaces behind the cafeteria, around the arcade.

And acted like as if there was something.

Guess what.

She turned and looked, wondering what was behind.

Heh.

I sent an SMS to my supervisor just now asking if there was anything for me to do.

He said, "No leh. U juz relax."

(!-_-)

Not that I want to do work.

Which person wants to do work?

I think everyone in the world just wants to enjoy life happily.

Not to forget that each time I have nothing to do, I can practice Korean language.

Bwahahahahahahaha!

OH NOES!

ITS TMR! ITS COMING!

And I'll own it. I shall.

34 days more before I can think freely. Think freedom.

For another 2-3 months. Then I'll start army. Which I want to complete with what I want in it.

The unit I want to go to.

The rank I want to achieve.

Not to forget the haste that I want to complete it.

Before I can begin realising my dream. My future.

But it still depends on tomorrow though.

4 days without incident.

Although I do say once or twice in a day.

But, I'm trying very hard to supress it.

Supress what?

Saying vulgarities.

Heh.

Trying to change. For the better.

Gahh!

Having migraine now.

Its like a pulse of headache each time my heart beats.

You need to experience it to feel it.

Funny, practicing Korean has somehow made the pain go away.

Ehehehe! Its a sign.

(!-_-)

Then, on Friday at Mediacorp, I had neck cramps.

Don't really know if its the usual neck cramps.

There's this specific part or muscle of my body that tends to cramp up around the back of my neck.

And the cramp lasts for nearly 5 seconds each time it occurs.

And it feels like someone's choking me from the back each time.

Must be punishment for saying vulgarities.

Oh by the way, Me and Zeke are trying to change.

LOL!

We're going to change for the better.

Pyon-Hwa!
Kawata!
Gai Bian!
Change!

Breaking. Broke. Broken.

Back. After a week of real work at "work.

Hope you understood that.

Now.. Back to the topic.

Khalis is breaking. Down that is.

I spend almost the whole day having other thoughts in my mind.

Like what I want to do after army. All those stuff I posted previously.

If you didn't know, read.

Khalis is broke.

Taxi, taxi and more taxi-ing to Mediacorp makes me broke. Not to mention I'm seldom late for work when I'm not supposed to.

By the way, I was lazy to find another way to place the word "few", so I used the meaning of "seldom" in another way, in that sentence.

Khalis is broken.

I'm not sleeping well. Seriously.

Another week of schedules like these and I'll really collapse.

Don't know why, but I feel extremely tired in the mornings. And just abit awake in the afternoons. Then, I really get ready to go to bed in the nights.

Its like as if all the energy from me has seeped away to somewhere else.

Gahh.

Nothing much to write about today.

Just that, I've been watching lots of Korean Variety shows. And they're dang hilarious, if you understand them.

Self-tutoring on Korean Language is going somewhat smoothly I guess. I still trying to remember Korean ABCs.

And I feel like I'm in a kindergarten when I'm teaching myself.

Still. I've got a few basic sentences done.

Like...

Ahnyeonghaseyo.
Kamsahamnida.
And a few others.

Slow progress but its the best I can move, for now.

Oh yea. Try listening to the 2 new Korean songs I've added.

The song "Do You Know That" is sung by the famous Kim Bum Soo. Don't think you'll really know who he is by the name.

He's the guy who sang "I Miss You", or "BoGoShipDa". The theme song for the Korean drama, "Stairway to Heaven".

The song also includes one of my favourite Wondergirls, Kim Yoobin, who raps the part of the song.

The other korean song, "Love 119" is sung by K. Will. It also features MC Mong as the rapper in the song. Although I don't really know the singers, but I must say this song is really nice with the combination of rap and pop/ballad together.

Enjoy.

A Change or an Evolution?

Ahnyeonghaseyo, Khalis imnida!

Can't believe I did that.

Oh well.

Its finally Week 4 of IPP.

Which means at the end of this week, I would have finished a month of attachment.

Wow.

Time really flies when you're not thinking about it.

I can still remember how we first entered the company.

The briefing.

The introductory lecture.

The first 3 days of doing nothing.

The discussions.

The silent aura in the office.

The first week of formal wear.

The first 20 cent coin I placed in the Daytona machine at the Recreation Room.

The first game of pool at NCS.

The first time we finished work officially at 6 p.m.

The reading of the CCNA book that still lies in front of me now.

Then came the second week.

Routing protocols started coming back for revenge.

RIP, RIP v2, OSPF, IGRP and EIGRP.

Then a few newer and advanced ones that Zhiyang wanted to learn.

BGP and HSRP.

How I read until I almost fell asleep.

Which I really did on one of the days.

Analysing of the project.

Test Cases.

UATs.

More work for me, which unbelievably meant something good.

Off-site work for the first time.

At the Media Development Authority at the URA building.

Item tagging.

Then came Week 3.

Hari Raya Haji.

My mind-boggling decision on what I wanted to do after I came out of army.

Which, I've finally decided to give it a shot.

And I believe in it.

I can do it.

Helped another supervisor at Mediacorp.

Saw Tay Ping Hui, Mark Lee, Ann Kok, Paige Chua, and Suzanne Jung.

Got shocked at her height.

She looked way different on Channel Newsasia than in real person.

The only newscaster I pay attention to.

=X. I ought to slap myself.

Didn't wow and act like a fanboy though.

Their faces at Mediacorp.

Looked so natural and cheerful there.

Unlike being hounded by fans outside.

Not that I'm saying its not good to have fans.

Surely sometimes, some people want to have their free time alone.

The quiet and stressful working environment I felt there.

Then freedom after finishing work there.

And one of the most interesting experiences as a project assistant at the relocation of MDA.

Which completely drained my energy from 4 p.m till 6 a.m in the next morning.

Gotta say it was fun and full of experiences.

Not to mention, I've never felt that tired till I could not write anymore on my logbook.

The first time I slept peacefully on my bed.

And finally, its the beginning of Week 4.

Beginning of another new week.

Another reminder that my time is running out.

Not that I can do anything with army coming.

But, at least I could do something else in the meantime.

Which I am currently doing in the office when I have nothing to do.

Learning korean language on my own.

For now, that is.

I'm still gonna find a class to learn.

And I must say, its a pretty interesting language.

And it makes me open my mouth in awe on how fast they speak it, and understand what the
person is talking about in a second.

I take 5 seconds to decode a single word.

Just like learning ABC again.

ABC was funny.

Jia, Yi, Bing, Ding was interesting for awhile.

Until I came to use it often.

Then it became a drug.

Now, I want to be able to read traditional chinese faster as compared to the speed I can read it
now.

I get stuck on the hard words.

But I can still understand the simple ones.

Must be because they looked familiar.

I want to know how to speak basic korean communicative language before I graduate.

Or maybe before I enter army.

I feel I've changed.

A bit for the better.

And a bit for the worse.

Better in the fact that my ways of thinking have changed.

How I should become more responsible for my own future.

How I should plan for my own future.

How I should do things for myself and not rely on others.

Even though I still rely sometimes.

How I should improve myself on my own.

How I should have self-control.

Like reducing the amount of vulgarities I hurl. =X

Whoops, that didn't come out of me.

I've said around 5 to 8 today.

Which is good compared to the 20 to 40-ish I might say everyday.

And worse for the fact, I still say it out.

I still tekan and scold people.

Heh.

I want to do great things.

Change the world.

That was what I wanted at first.

I wanted to break barriers between the poor and the rich.

Now, to begin on that path.

I want...

To know how to speak fluent korean.

To know how to speak fluent japanese.

To know how to speak fluent mandarin.

To sing well.

To sing better.

To sing beyond my limits.

To endure better.

To endure as much as I can.

To gain confidence.

To be confident in everything I do.

To do the best I can do.

To do the best I should do.

I want to change.

Not only myself.

But people's lives.

The world.

For the better.

I guess I'll just let time do its part for now.

Before I begin today's post.

Happy Hari Raya Haji guys!

Ok, now I can begin.

Heh.


Sometimes, I hate this world.

For all its contradictions.

Such as how people fight over each other for control and supremacy.

How the world has evolved into a harsh environment for survival.

How the thing "money", can make it so damn hard to accomplish, if not everything, almost all the things in the world one would want to do.

Yet again, I love the world and would like to thank it for the countless things its teaching me every passing day.

Over the course of 19 years since I was born till now.

I've seen how the world evolved. Changed.

I've seen how people changed over the years too.

I've seen events that caused happiness and sadness around the world.

I've felt too, how a household can manage with a sole single person supporting a family of four.

I've felt sadness myself.

I've felt joy when I achieve my victory and goal.

And I've definitely felt and remembered every crumble when I fall down.

Not to mention, it leaves a scar on my confidence.

No wonder my confidence level hits a low of 0.67% over a 100%.

Okay, that was crap.

The people I see everyday.

The lessons I learn from seeing the events all around me.

Has definitely taught me how one must cherish this single life.

How one should try his or her best at everything.

So that one can have zero regrets.

Sadly to say.

What I've seen recently.

Has made me lost.

Blurred my vision.

Confused my thoughts.

At the age of 6, my kindergarten teacher asked my whole class what was one's ambition when they grow up.

I said I wanted to be an Astronaut.

I was interested with the study of planets at that time.

9 years later, I changed that ambition.

By the way, I get a lot of influence from my mother.

She said I could try becoming someone that could combat hackers, computer viruses, trojans and worms.

Not to mention, the various computer viruses that emerged in the previous few years.

I followed on that path to learn more about computer networks for the next 2 years.

Then, ever since I saw things, events around me.

I changed what I wanted to be.

I saw how some people regretted what they wanted to do in their life.

I saw how some were happy with what they were now.

I wanted that.

I didn't want to regret.

Even if I failed at it, at least I tried.

I wanted to give it a shot.

I wanted.

To be a singer.

Yet, I don't think I have to confidence to do it.

Even when I went with Nave to a school for music and singing.

My heartbeat increased.

It was filled with fear and nervousness.

Fear of not being able to achieve anything if I enrolled in this school.

Nervous of not knowing what will happen after enrolling into this school.

But I trust the school itself. For its many outstanding students.

In other countries, there are many music entertainment groups that train singers.

Singapore, being a small country has less than ten of these groups, from what I know.

This school, is what I think to be, if not the best, one of the few promising ones.

Yet, the road block called "money", stands in my way.

I'm not that well off.

In fact, my family is falling in a rapid decline since the millennium.

I wanted to stop this.

I wanted to do something for my parents.

Give them an enjoyable life.

I want to try this.

Wait. I can't say try.

I want to go for it.

Not only for my parents or my family.

But for myself too.

After consulting my so-called "personal consultants".

They feel I should wait it out till I almost finish National Service.

And I feel, its going to pass by extremely fast.

I've finished 19 years of my life. In a blink of an eye.

This upcoming 2 years, perhaps will probably vanish in another minute.

Who knows, I might have a change of heart and mind again during that two years.

However, even if after army, I still want to pursue this.

Do I really have what it takes?

Lost.

Back.

Yet again from another few days of detailed thoughts and self-analysis.

I haven't forgotten the wish I made 3 years ago.

And I'm still pondering over it.

To simply describe what I'm thinking of now, imagine me in this situation.

I'm pushing a bike along a muddy and dirt-covered path, with mist and fog all around.

To add on, the path is so slippery that once I slip and fall, I drop.

Extremely hard.

And reaching that path again will be, if not impossible, extremely hard.

I can't see anything more than 10 metres ahead of me.

The mist is so thick I cannot even see what is in front of me.

Then, there's always the other option to get away from the path.

I get on the bike, and I cycle to another path which I can see too clearly and where it will lead to.

I've been thinking over this for the past 2 to 3 years.

Each time I see one of these "events" that appear everywhere around me.

It influences me.

Changes my mindset.

And I get stuck.

Right into this current situation.

People, ordinary humans who are, if not younger, around my age are accomplishing things way higher than what I can do.

I got this quote from a show. And I think it makes sense.

"There's nothing wrong with imitating a person as long as it's to find who you really are"

Yet again, imitating someone is hard.

Sometimes, I really wish I can see the future.

See how it turns out to be. What will become of me in another 4 to 5 years time.

Seriously, I really do not know what I want to be after I finish my National Service.

Become a Network Engineer?

Something not related to my interest or course of study?

Or what I've been thinking for these past 3 years?

Even if I want to do what I've been thinking, the only thing that is stopping me.

Do I really have what it takes?

From there, can I carry on?

Or do I just die down soon after accomplishing it?

Now, I feel that I'm losing time.

Every passing hour.

Every passing minute.

Every passing second.

In another 6 to 7 months, I leave civilization and enter training to protect my country.

Who knows what will happen after that?

Will I change my mind?

Or will I continue pursuing what I wanted?

Each time I think about it.

My mind feels like it's about to explode.

The thought of it continually grows and expands to the point where my brain cannot take it anymore.

The only way to stop it is to close my eyes and lie down on my bed.

I want to do this.

Because I only have one life to do it.

One path to make that will last me all the way.

And I want to give my parents, my family, something that is hard to achieve now.

An enjoyable life.

Ever since I started secondary school.

My life has been in decline.

Monetary problems explains everything.

I want to accomplish this.

But I'm lacking one thing that leads to the only thing that restricts and slows my movement along this path I need to take.

Confidence.

I want to call for help.

But instead, I end up getting dissuaded.

Lost and unable to know which way to go.

Perhaps mocked and laughed at.

And I know no one can help me but myself.

If I don't, no one can or will.

I need some help.

Some assistance.

A helping hand.

Someone to give me a head start.

Someone to guide me in the right path.

Perhaps, walk on the path with me.

How does one realise a dream?

Its nearing the end of week 2 of IPP.

Yay! 2 weeks down!

Damn. Another 10 more to go.

I hate things when the bad stuff have a higher ratio than the good stuff.

I pretty much like my job anyways.

When there's work to do, that is.

I went to MDA at the URA Building at Tanjong Pagar on Monday. Saw how the people there did item tagging.

And after seeing what people do there, I want to work there.

Here's an idea of what they do.

Imagine you have a workdesk in front of you.

Just around 1 metre in front of you workdesk, you have a television.

On your workdesk, you have a laptop with Microsoft Word opened.

Your task?

Watch new movies / videos, then type out what you think about the show.

PFFT!

Here's the better part.

There's another section where the people test games before they can be sold.

I think you can probby guess it out. But I'm still gonna say.

You play games on various consoles. Xbox 360, PS3, PSP.

You name it, they have it.

Then type about the game on your desktop.

WALAO!

Such a job... WHO DON'T WANT?!

No wonder these guys don't look stressed at all. Heh!

Then on Wednesday, I went back to school, to help out in testing the connectivity and throughput of a new Wireless LAN connection.
I saw new stuff. Seriously.

Wireless Control System. IxChariot.

Its godly stuff that shows all the internet modules around the school with a floor plan.

And the other, allows you to measure the throughput, everything in a particular floor.

OH MY GOD.

Really fun stuff.

Now, I'm spending my time in the office doing stuff.

Revising CCNA topics.

On Packet Tracer 5.0.

Sometimes Dynagen if I have to try out newer stuff like BGP.

Listening to TETRA-FANG's Individual System everyday.

Wondergirls, Wondergirls and more Wondergirls.

I feel more interested in the girls than the songs.

Of course, they're so wonderful. Duh.

Now, I want to go to South Korea.

Bwahahahahahahaha!

Call me anything. I haven't seen famous people before.

I swear the most famous I ever saw was... Mediacorp's Chew Chor Meng.

And I was around Primary 6.

And he was my idol at that time.

Now going to South Korea sounds abit stalk-ish.

Maybe I should really try to be a singer.

But its most probably filled with phail.

Look at Ocean Ou De Yang.

People now go mostly 70-80% on looks instead of voice.

And I can't really say I can sing that well.

Just above average.

Being spotted is hard enough.

Unless I have to go learn to get spotted, which was what I was planning when I finish army.

But its like almost 3K for a few months.

From this, I infer something.

Money, sometimes, still makes the world go round.

Not that the world's dying from all the natural resources that we need.

And I have to freaking pay S$1.80 for a dumb bottle of mineral water at Orchard.

Now, that's really dumb.

Why not....

I get the bottle for free.

I finish the water.

And I refill it with tap water.

HEY! It has fluorine okay!

Healthy teeth. =D

But, the dream to become a singer.

Looks hard.

Looks bleak.