I guess I'll just let time do its part for now.

Before I begin today's post.

Happy Hari Raya Haji guys!

Ok, now I can begin.

Heh.


Sometimes, I hate this world.

For all its contradictions.

Such as how people fight over each other for control and supremacy.

How the world has evolved into a harsh environment for survival.

How the thing "money", can make it so damn hard to accomplish, if not everything, almost all the things in the world one would want to do.

Yet again, I love the world and would like to thank it for the countless things its teaching me every passing day.

Over the course of 19 years since I was born till now.

I've seen how the world evolved. Changed.

I've seen how people changed over the years too.

I've seen events that caused happiness and sadness around the world.

I've felt too, how a household can manage with a sole single person supporting a family of four.

I've felt sadness myself.

I've felt joy when I achieve my victory and goal.

And I've definitely felt and remembered every crumble when I fall down.

Not to mention, it leaves a scar on my confidence.

No wonder my confidence level hits a low of 0.67% over a 100%.

Okay, that was crap.

The people I see everyday.

The lessons I learn from seeing the events all around me.

Has definitely taught me how one must cherish this single life.

How one should try his or her best at everything.

So that one can have zero regrets.

Sadly to say.

What I've seen recently.

Has made me lost.

Blurred my vision.

Confused my thoughts.

At the age of 6, my kindergarten teacher asked my whole class what was one's ambition when they grow up.

I said I wanted to be an Astronaut.

I was interested with the study of planets at that time.

9 years later, I changed that ambition.

By the way, I get a lot of influence from my mother.

She said I could try becoming someone that could combat hackers, computer viruses, trojans and worms.

Not to mention, the various computer viruses that emerged in the previous few years.

I followed on that path to learn more about computer networks for the next 2 years.

Then, ever since I saw things, events around me.

I changed what I wanted to be.

I saw how some people regretted what they wanted to do in their life.

I saw how some were happy with what they were now.

I wanted that.

I didn't want to regret.

Even if I failed at it, at least I tried.

I wanted to give it a shot.

I wanted.

To be a singer.

Yet, I don't think I have to confidence to do it.

Even when I went with Nave to a school for music and singing.

My heartbeat increased.

It was filled with fear and nervousness.

Fear of not being able to achieve anything if I enrolled in this school.

Nervous of not knowing what will happen after enrolling into this school.

But I trust the school itself. For its many outstanding students.

In other countries, there are many music entertainment groups that train singers.

Singapore, being a small country has less than ten of these groups, from what I know.

This school, is what I think to be, if not the best, one of the few promising ones.

Yet, the road block called "money", stands in my way.

I'm not that well off.

In fact, my family is falling in a rapid decline since the millennium.

I wanted to stop this.

I wanted to do something for my parents.

Give them an enjoyable life.

I want to try this.

Wait. I can't say try.

I want to go for it.

Not only for my parents or my family.

But for myself too.

After consulting my so-called "personal consultants".

They feel I should wait it out till I almost finish National Service.

And I feel, its going to pass by extremely fast.

I've finished 19 years of my life. In a blink of an eye.

This upcoming 2 years, perhaps will probably vanish in another minute.

Who knows, I might have a change of heart and mind again during that two years.

However, even if after army, I still want to pursue this.

Do I really have what it takes?